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A little trip through life

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Friday, January 28, 2005

Cold weather problems - you all the same?

Chez mr.le Marquis du Galipot.

Temperatures: 0930hrs/-4C, 1330hrs/0C, last night -6C. Weather: Sunny cold - no wind!

Alert state: ice on roads.


Well, the cold spell continues, but the icy mistral has dropped, so there is a chance the temperatures will rise.
Every year we have a period of 5/6 days of very cold, but this doesn't mean that you're used to it- far from that, after all each year is one more, and certain climatic circumstances make certain age-factor problems more apparant! I'M SURE YOU ARE ALL THE SAME!
Pipi in the morning is a problem, just the thought of getting out of the warm bed is daunting, and once arrived in the holiest of holies, you can't find it! Women don't have the problem, of course, but they must have others.
Other affairs of a similar nature also have their problems. Just the thought of posing one's tender regions on the cold plastic seat sends shudders up the spine. Who said wooden seats were hygienically unsound - maybe, but they were warm!
I can't get the temperature in the bathroom right either - a shower OK, but after you have to step out to dry and dress yourself. The air is cold,cold,cold, on my pearly,ivory covering!
I have to leave the door open for Granite de l'Oasis to have access to her nosh and WC, so the colder temperatures enter the bathroom. Either a constant temperature everywhere of 25C (which would ruin me financially - and I don't think would be technically supportable with the old heating system) or a seperate electric/gas/petrol heater just for the bathroom is needed, but for 5/6 days of the year?
Other well-known problems of the cold I had forgotten about (since those days long-ago on the Scottish estate-with the damp running down the walls like rivers) are the following:

Completely torn and ripped up bread - I tried to put butter on it, but even the "trated" butter is as hard as a rock - tried putting it into the microwave, but I'm not keen on cooked butter.
Spreadable butter - a challenge in the 21st century.

Floor washing - not many Marquise's wash their own floors, but this one does, and to get them dry with the cold- impossible. I'm no angel, so I have no wings, and I am therefore condemned to not walking about for hours, whilst the floor dries. Somebody should tell the cat about that too, I'm fed up watching her total freedom of movement, and I'm imprisoned!

The "getting up out of" bit has been covered, but equally the "going to" bed bit is torture!Don't talk to me about the occasions a pee is required in the middle of the night - it's a long way down the chateau stairs, across the courtyard to the causy! Take a bottle you say - well I would, but my aim is terrible!
I recall being told - "in it, not at it" or "go closer, your not as endowed as you think" etc etc, but really, in the 21st Century! You would think they could sort something out. To the moon - yippee!! To the bathroom in winter - no way!! Talking about which, I don't thinl I'd make a good astronaut, even the "arab" toilets in France pose a problem for me. I call them "slap-bang-wallops" - let your imagination run riot!
Anyway, this weekend should see the start of my series about the London I used to know - probably a London most of you (of a certain age) will also have known, and which I presume has practically disappeared with all the security of modern times in place.
I'll probably start with a tale "Have you ever walked Hungerford Bridge?" which I recall well, having had it printed in 2 different magazines - Yes folks, you didn't know you were dealing with a famed (if not fortuned)individual!!
For the moment, I'm off to warm up the porridge (made with salt, of course), put the cat into my bed to warm it up, close the chateau's shutters (say that 5 times quickly) and generally SURVIVE.

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