Happy Christmas - Joyeux Noel - Frohe Weinachten

from mr le Marquis and from his mascots


PART ONE - PART TWO IN DECEMBER

Here in France there is a strict routine which accompanies every night of the 24/25th December, has done for centuries, and although everybody hates it, nobody can screw up enough courage to change it. This is a little description of it.

Noel in France: (IF THE SMILEYS AND LITTLE PICTURES HAVEN'T COME UP-SORRY-TRY LOOKING IN NEW COMMENTS (OR MAKE A COMMENT ON THIS MESSAGE - SEE POST COMMENT FIELD )

with lots of and stuff.

It all starts weeks before the actual date. Lists are drawn up with names of people you want to invite, people who are going to turn up anyway, people who you don't want to invite but must (therefore you leave the invitation to the day before, hoping they will refuse, having made other plans - doesn't always work, but does work with mr le marquis!)
Menus are drawn up, with difficulty, torn between what one wants to eat oneself, financial situation, and the degree of desire to please/annoy/disgust the invited guests.
Wives are informed of the decisions, and say "OK, darling" then carry on willy-nilly to do exactly the opposite, or exactly what pleases them, whilst making up a list for "hubby" of things to do. Hubby already knows this list by heart, and has spent the last year trying to think up reasons not to do them, or reasons for it not to be possible to do them this year, or how to literally mess it up so that nobody will ask him to do the same things EVER again.
Of course, being a male, he is incapable of such feline, devious ploys, and in the end, gets on, and electrocutes himself a dozen times with the tree lights, crucifies himself with drawing pins (for the christmas cards) and nails to keep the decorations from falling down onto the open fire in the traditional French living room. This latter has its whole purpose in being available to roast(mainly burn) turkeys, goose, duck etc on an open spit, spreading a goodly amount of fat and grease, together with cinders, on the almost new, almost original, oriental carpetware spread out before it. It also serves to burn husband's fingers, hands, eyebrows (amongst other parts of the anatomy) and can be used later (if it hasn't burned the house down-which happens often) as a weapon to mark important points in later battles over household chores ( "Darling, you still haven't cleaned out the fireplace from Christmas, and I'm going to need it to hide the Easter eggs next Sunday!") .
ANYWAY - it's Christmas/Noel/Weihnachten or whatever you want to call it.
For centuries, dating probably from the times of larger religious congregations (and from the times of pauvrity when the churches were warmer than the homes) it has been tradition to visit the Midnight Mess on Christmas Eve. Actually hardly anyone goes now, pleading too many things to prepare at home etc., but the tradition carries on. No drinks, aperos, foodstuffs before midnight or later (to allow any possible churchgoers the time to arrive home). Actually everyone is there, present, staring mostly at the wallpaper,or at the drinks lined up for the aperos, or trying NOT to smell the aromas coming from the kitchen. It is only just 10pm - another couple of hours at least to wait. The kids (too young to go to church anyway, although they were taken there at the tender age of some 10 months, to have water thrown over them by generally an elderly man,dressed in a sort of robe, like Grandma'. This strange apparition also has a tendency to slobber and spit when it talks!)are now perfectly dressed, perfectly groomed (or at least they were around 6pm) and perfectly tired and fed-up. They are also hungry and thirsty, and can see a sort of mountain of boxes and things, all wrapped up in christmas paper , and ask, politely, why we are all waiting. The question is one which all the adults have been asking themselves quietly for hours, but the reply comes, sure and certain, "we have to wait until Grandma' and Grandad come back from Midnight Mess, dear". The response is rapid, to the point and perfectly true- "But Mum - Grandma' and Grandad went to bed at 7, and said they wouldn't be down until later!" A lapidary "Yes, my dear, I know, but we'll have to wait, just in case- after all - IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE!"


END OF PART ONE. PART TWO LATER.