Healthy,popular,open-air things!

Having just received news about WB (Wacky-Backy) and his plans for the end of the year (the Dutch have funny sort of dates for festivities, Christmas is on the 6/7 Dec and I suppose New Year a week later-logic is logic!)I thought I ought to pass on the news of the area he/she/them/they are going to.

Lovely area, mountainous, just like Holland, and recently refilled with mountain bears (all grumpy) and shepherds (even more grumpy because of the bears). A few packs of wild and savage wolves have also been re-introduced, just to keep the bears, and sheep, and shepherds, and golfers, and tourists, company!

It appears that with bears and wolves, the other beasts (like sheep), can't come to grips! On top of all that, a few "nature-lovers" have started to talk about the natural savage style of country-side they want, and golf courses are decidedly not too welcome!

Myself, I think that golf and bears is acceptable. The bears won't pinch your balls, just the occasional arm or leg. So far as the wolves are concerned, they will just like to play a little with these little, round, white things that fall from the sky. Just don't expect him to bring it back to your feet, but if he does, then disappear as fast as your golfcart will go!

No, I beleive the larger danger for the Golfer/Tourist (neither being very liked but seen as a necessary plague) comes from the shepherd, who (to protect his sheep) carries permanently fusilles (rifles) of varied calibre, knives meant to take stones out of sheep hooves (but which can be used for other things).

If one adds the probabilities of flood,fire,and other natural disasters, then one must ask oneself - How high or low is your handicap?

Of course, all these little nasties can be offset by the advantages of an "open-air" holiday. High temperature in the morning of -10C going up to as much as +1C in the afternoon. Ideal temperatures to run fast - to get away from the wolves and bears!

If it rains, or snows, and you go to the village, take care - I understand that all the "once upon a time picturesque villages" now all have CC cameras in the romantic village streets! You can EAT the chicken (so long as they are roasted or cooked out of recognition) but don't stroke the things whilst they are alive or uncooked!

Due to problems with "mazout" (heating-diesel) leaks into the water resources of the area:

Don't drink: a). The water b). The milk.

Don't eat: a). The cheese (unless it is older than one year) b). The bears or the wolves - they are protected. The mutton and the Shepherds you can eat, if you wish!

A last precaution, when you are a-wandering, watch out for the barbed wire which is all over this natural countryside. It tends to be rusty, and holds the possibility of a rust thorn, just like the fairy tail of "sleeping beauty".

Finally, when you are not a-golfing, but collecting cepes and mushrooms, don't be afraid! As you now know (from my article on the Tunnel-Chunnel) atomic fungi are now obliged by law to carry a "mushroom-style-halo", and a sign saying "eat me if you don't want any more children!"

All in all, I think I would be inclined to stay at home and watch out for the dangers I know, but if you must travel:

KEEP TO THE TUNNEL(1) - On descending the country of France, stop earlier and enjoy yourself "Chez mr le Marquis" - He may still be convinced to re-invite you!! (If he is still in the area, of course!