For those of you who know me a little, it may come as a surprise to find out that I have a girlfriend!
“What” – you cry, “how come we’ve never seen her?”
Well, it may come as even more of a surprise, nay shock, to find out that she has almost turned her 105th birthday, has a beard, is covered with hair, sees very well in the dark, has had around 17 little ones (we gave up counting), and (if upset) can scratch like mad!
Apart from these somewhat singular features, she is pretty much like all girlfriends – she loves me, tries to take care of me, tries to change some of my (for her) annoying or disturbing habits, she tries to “train” me (to her advantage, of course), but she just can’t help creeping up on me, anywhere, but particularly in bed, to get her ration of caresses! Occasionally this tactic of creeping up goes wrong, and all she gets for her pains is a large foot on her tail! Oh yes – did I mention that my girlfriend has a long tail as well?
She has, like all girlfriends certain little annoying habits, like sitting on the desk in front of my PC Screen, and actually stops me from typing, by laying her long, thick tail onto the keyboard!
In spite of all these “drawbacks”, I recently found out how useful and good it is to have her as a girlfriend, however.
On my return from Hospital, feeling weak and pretty useless, I spent a great deal of time in bed, and my girlfriend recognised the need for care and attention. She spent most of her time lying alongside me, or curled up in a ball at my side. She is very supple, so I wasn’t too concerned, and when I did get up (to answer the call of nature, for example), she did not insist that I go immediately to the kitchen and serve up her meal of customary tuna-fish. Wasn’t because she wasn’t hungry, it was because she appreciated the situation, and knew that when the time was ripe, she would not be forgotten.
The strange, purring, noise which she gave out all the time was somehow strangely comforting, and I often caught her lying there, eyes wide open, just looking at me as I slept. No movements to wake me, just the comforting purr.
She had been forced to spend the month or so, elsewhere than in her flat, with me, and this had contraried her for a while, at the beginning, but she finally worked it out, and accepted the fact that she was, for the moment, a guest at the home of “Waldi”, a small creature with 4 legs and a tail, who didn’t purr, but went “wau-wau”. Since both my girlfriend and Waldi had the habit of sharing the master bed with the normal occupant, this could have caused certain problems, both being of a jealous nature, but so long as my girlfriend was “Chez Waldi”, she accepted the situation, namely that Waldi had certain rights and advantages, and that when Waldi was “Chez my girlfriend” she had the same rights and advantages!
To the amazement of all, neither my girlfriend, nor Waldi insisted on practicing these rights, but accepted the situation and the fact that circumstances were extenuating, and would eventually get back to normal!
No jealous scenes, apparently, whilst I was away, just a sort of “wary - don’t turn your back on anything or anyone” kind of attitude. Apparently the air got a little explosive now and then, particularly when Waldi decided he fancied a little tuna fish for lunch or dinner, normally not a fish-lover, one wondered if this was to show his position. At my girlfriend’s place, he never gave it a thought, just as my girlfriend didn’t seem to mind being left at home when Waldi went for a walk (call of nature again), one got the impression that she accepted this to be further proof of Waldi’s incapability to use modern internal conveniences, and his preference to seek lamp-posts and car tyres.
In any case, everything went off just fine, and when I returned home, they had both got quite used to the situation, my girlfriend on my left, and Waldi on my right, in the master bedroom. Waldi, of course, didn’t purr, but he didn’t “wau-wau” either! He did spend more time than my girlfriend out of bed, something which she appreciated, and used to her advantage for extra caresses!
Anyway, I’ll bring this to an end, by stating categorically, without these constant signs of affection, my recuperation period would still be going on, thanks to my girlfriend’s care and attention, I’m up and about, and able to serve the tuna fish as before!
Did you realise my girlfriend is a ?
Send in your answers to the following question:
“What race does “Waldi” belong to?”(No prizes will be awarded!)
iwmpop! (mr le Marquis).
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