Healthy Country Air

14th November 2006. Vauvert,France.

Watching the lunchtime news today, I was not ever so surprised to hear the news that some eminent Scientifics, somewhere, had finally decided that the good old healthy country air - isn't so healthy after all!
After having crawled around on my belly on exercises on Salisbury Plain, around Catterick, and on the Luneberger Heide in Germany, it didn't surprise me to hear the news!
After years in the mountain areas of Allgau, Bavaria, I know what it means to be blocked by a tractor and trailer, on a narrow, mountainous road, snow covered, on it's way to "fertilise" snow covered fields. I've even had "nuts" in the car or Landrover, with me, who have insisted on opening the windows wide, at -20C, to inhale what they called the "local ozone".
It smelt revolting, not surprising, since the"fertilizer was made up of some 20% cow pee, 30% cow dung, and 50% unspecified industrial fertiliser!
Half an hour behind one of those things teaches you that good, healthy, country air - don't exist!
Although we used to amuse ourselves in the snow banks around the place by writing our initials in the snow, when relieving ourselves (women can't do that), it was even more disgusting to see the traces left on the virgin white snow, in those unfortunate to be treated fields. The odour was just the dessert!
Therefore, as I have said, the news didn't surprise me - living in a country area is dangerous! It seems that the spraying and fertilising that goes on causes cancers. They didn't say what cancers, they simply said that (although not 100% proven) it was "probable".
Great - Healthy Holidays on the Farmyard? Breathe that country ozone in, deeply, my boy - we're out of town! Clean your lungs out (between puffs on the pipe or cigar).
It always seemed to me obvious, that something that stank so foul, couldn't possibly be good!
Now what - if it's bad for us just to breath the stuff, what does it do to the poor animals that eat the stuff?
After all, we eat the animals, drink the milk etc. Seems to me that, by extension, it's not only the people who live permanently in countrified areas (right next to the fields) who are at risk.
I suppose it'll take another century before they decide that we shouldn't eat or drink anything - by which time we'll all be dead anyway!
Tschernobyl and all the rest - we've actually got a lot worse happening daily in front of our doors, in our fridges, in our frying pans.
Mind you, I don't know why I'm worried, I "stumbled upon" (that's the name of the programme which opens up web sites by hazard) a site last night, called "the death clock", where you replied to various questions, like age, sex, religion, smoker, drinker etc, and then clicked on the "death date" button!
I've got, according to them, a bit of time - my death date was announced as being the 28th August 2020!
Note that date in your diaries - release from Mr. le Marquis!
(Wonder if I should put a bet on it, might pay for my funeral!)
I reckon that the death clock didn't know about fertilizers and stuff!
I suppose I'll just have to carry eating and drinking as usual - and suffer in silence!

(iwmpop) Mr. le Marquis.