Christmas 2006-Ron & Eff (part II)

"I'm so ashamed, Ron," said Eff."How could you let yourself be taken like that?"

"Well. Eff, it all started with that piece of cress stuck on my nose. They took me for an elf, or something else in Santa's group. I didn't have a chance to say anything. I've never heard anything so daft - Santa speaking French! Everybody knows he speaks English anyway! Not even the rest of his elf's and fairies and all the rest were any use either! Anyway, it doesn't matter, we're here, it's Christmas - let's try and enjoy it, Eff! Mind you, I did think it was going a bit far to try and get me to climb up on that bloody Santa's lap. I know they were trying to make up for their mistake, but even so!"

"I know, my love," crooned Eff,"and did you see the sparkle in that Santa's eyes at the thought? I've seen that look somewhere else, but I can't place it".

"Right then, Eff. Where are we going to start? Throw me that brochure thing over, will you, and let's see what we can do now we're here".

"Well, I thought we could just start by having a little lie down, just for half an hour or so, after the journey and all that", said Eff, hopefully, looking desperately for that other gleam in her husband's eyes.

"WHAT!" said Ron, in a firm and forceful manner (he knew what that little "lie down" meant),"We've only got about 4 days in this place, and everybody kept telling me that there was an enormous amount of things to do and see, apart from our bedroom. We'll see that soon enough, anyway!"

"All right, Ron", said Eff, not really too disappointed,"Why don't we start with that big castle thing - that's the fairy tale castle, I think, isn't it. Ron?"

"Well, Eff", replied Ron, who was very well informed on these matters, "Actually it's the replica of a castle somewhere in Germany, that a barmy German King built, years ago".

"Oh well," said Eff," All those Germans are barmy anyway. Did you see them getting their towels and stuff onto the loungers around the Swimming Pool? Like it belonged to them! I'll sort them out when I go down, don't you worry!"

"Listen, Eff, I don't want any friction this holiday".

At this Eff started to cry, and Ron realised what he had said.

"Tell you what- We'll go and have a quick look at the castle, then we'll take a quick tour around, and see if there isn't some Golf or something, then it'll be time for Dinner, and afterwards we can come back to our room," said Ron - well knowing he was letting himself in for a torrid time, but he knew from experience it was the best way of blocking up the tear ducts, which he never had been able to support anyway.

"Oh, that sounds great,Ron, but you won't drink too much at Dinner, will you my love?"

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"The castle was quite good, wasn't it, Eff", said Ron over his plate, later in the restaurant.

"Oh Ron - it was so lovely, with that poor little girlie, all alone in that little room, right up in that turret thing, and that monster of a Marquis trying to have his foul way with her. Mind you, it all turned out all right in the end, what with Santa coming down that little chimney and rescuing her! What's the matter, dear?"

Ron had evaporated in a bout of spluttering and coughing, the result of a mixture of the words "Marquis" - "Santa" - "Chimney" and the reference to "foul way" because he knew now what was expected of him after dinner!

Getting his breath back rapidly, he managed to stutter something about "crazy" and "golf" rounded off with "schroumphs".

Happily, Eff knew what he wanted to say, and replied"Yes, some crazy golf will do for you this Christmas- you don't need your clubs, it's a lot shorter, so you'll be less tired afterwards, and I could come and play around a bit with you - if you like!"

"Eff- stop making all this double-dutch stuff- I know my duties, my pet!"

"Ron - talking about Dutch - I thought I saw some of Wackies daughter in that young girl in the turret - didn't you think she looked like her?"

"Oh Gawd, Eff - leave off about all that, will you, please! There's no Dutch, no Marquis, none of all that! We're going to have a lovely time, my sugar, and nobody is going to disturb us!"

Finishing off his coffee, Ron said gently"Well Eff, if you've finished, shall we go back to the room?"

Eff didn't reply, she just got up and leaning her head on her hero's shoulder, our two lovers melted into the false plastic snow of Disneyland, off to their own little room in the turret of this wonderland, and we will leave them for a while, until tomorrow, when they wake up again in - "Part III"

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