last chance for Christmas - today only....!

The sun rose, and pierced the early mists, although it wasn't really so very early.

Today was basically our last one in Reims, Capital of Champagne, where we had passed a "long-weekend" - involuntarily (if you recall where I left off, last time- if you don't, go and look for it in the archives!) but of an extremely high quality, thanks to our newly found friends, Mr Roger (who was our mechanic-in charge of repairing our aging Triumph Spitfire car) and "Madame" who was our concierge at the brothel we were installed in! She was the person we had to thank that our involuntary stay had been a magnificent success. Far from being the "heart of gold", she knew how to get the last centime out of the pockets of men, but somehow she gave me the impression that this unexpected arrival of a young couple, married and happy to be so, had touched her hard and well worn heart. I suppose it changed the dull, daily routine of prostitutes and their clients, and maybe gave a little of her youth back!

In any case, I would always be prepared to go through another long weekend again, under the same circumstances, but I doubt that this would ever be possible, even for anyone else, nowadays!

Madame had not even blinked an eyebrowe, when I had decided that the breakfast of croissants and other things, although delicious, was not what I wanted that morning (yesterday, I think) - I had my heart set on a still warm, crispy baguette, with lots of butter, and I had set off early to find the required items, thinking that, after the excesses of the night before, we would see Madame arising out of the ashes a little later than normal!

No way - when I returned, out of good taste trying to hide my large baguette under my overcoat, to avoid questions, I found myself presented with Madame and a large beam, and questions about breakfast. A frank look at the bulge under my overcoat passed without comment, apart from "You don't want jam with it, do you - more butter would be maybe better!"

I tried to explain, and I beleive she understood, because she knew that we were extremely happy with her efforts concerning us, and our weekend!

Indeed, a culinary weekend of magnificence, thanks to her, and her friends, but also thanks to our own efforts to master the language and the situation!

With a final "we'll be going to your Champagne visit this morning, and thanks ever so", I tried to get up the stairs, past the young lady with the coffee, croissants, jam , butter etc........ She also wasn't particularly surprised by the bulge under my overcoat, and gave me a wink and a smile! Charming at around 7am, and I often wonder if life wouldn't have been more agreeable to have stayed there for the next 60 years!

Madame simply said "The car will be here at 10.30, but there's no rush - Bonne appetit!"

Well, our fresh crispy bread demolished, all our jam and butter, even the croissants and coffee gone, we finally made surface around 10am, my wife being caressed by Madame, and being told she would have a lovely day with her husband (me), and that these little things like car problems happened, and not to be disturbed. I think my wife was more concerned, at that moment, by the fact that we would have to leave this paradise early the next morning - Just like me!

Anyway, the Mumms Champagne car had turned up, and we were escorted, just like Royalty, down the battered and well worn steps of our Brothel Hotel, off for a day of dreams!

The first thing I noticed, on arriving at the "House of Mumm's" Champagne, was the tidyness, the clean courtyard, which after the old quarter of the City of Reims was totally different. The second thing I noticed was the attention given to client's of "Madame". We were swept along, and we were given a tour of the property second to none. We were the only one's, as Madame had promised, and time was taken to explain, in great detail, every single procedure in the fabrication of that stuff called "Champagne".

We followed it's developement from the Dom Perignon discovery to the current (at the time) usage! We got to taste the original, basic, undrinkable wine of the Champagne district, BEFORE it was given the magical touch!

We were accompagnied, at all stages, with new glasses of the finished product, always being assured by our guide (a charming man around the 90 years of age-or so it seemed, but very elegant)that if we only ever stayed with Champagne for all meals and events, we would not, indeed could not, become drunk! I thought to myself - maybe not drunk, but bankrupt!

Didn't matter on that last day in Reims, we were just too happy about EVERYTHING! On top of our visit here, we had an invitation for the lunchtime to Madam's favourite Restaurant friends, and my problem was to try and figure out where I could get a few winks, before breezily buzzing off in our newly repaired Triumph Spitfire. Impossible to stay one more night at Madams', and leave early and fresh, the following morning, because Madame didn't understand things like going to bed early!

Finally, we ended our tour in the main reception hall of Mumm's - and even now (absolutely neutral as I am) I would always recommend Mumm's "Cordon Rouge" Brut - if ever you want to have something good in your life!

Here, we were presented with the "Visitor's Book" and asked to sign in, and probably out!

With a typically Gallic flair, our guide flipped open the large, heavy book, and said "There we are, a couple of free spaces at the bottom of the page".

I signed, with my own flair, and then noticed (as I looked politely to see who else was on the same page) that I had made my mark, once again, in History!

If you ever go to Mumm's, look in the guest books, and you'll find my signature, right there, just under "Sir Neville C. Chamberlain, 1936"!!

Wasn't my fault, I insist, just the Gallic flair of our guide.

I muttered something to my wife about it (in an undertone) but I fear it was lost, our Guide had started a procedure of opening the "official drink" after the guided tour! We had, I thought, already had just about everything possible, but as our Guide explained, it was obligatory to open a bottle of Mumm's at the end of the tour, together with the various little dry wafer biscuits, and it wasn't his fault, nor ours, that we were the only guests!

A bottle of Champagne, once opened, cannot be reclosed, and certainly not when two "so sympathetic" visitors and their guide were the only ones present!

Little did I, or my wife know, that some years later, we were to find ourselves back in the Region, this time as a part of my own course to become a "Sommelier", within my larger (paid) studies in the "Catering" Industry! Even then, I recall, the area was a revelation, and my efforts to become an oenologue successfully passed (I never used these certificate things afterwards, and even now I couldn't use it, the Industry having changed so radically) and as a qualified Sommelier/Oenologue, we left the area with many regrets!

The only other Paradise on earth, I found, was upon entering into the large storage zones of Hennessy Cognac, in Cognac - such odours, such wonderful odours! No wonder that the best Hennessy Cognac is called "Paradise" - but that will be another story!

For the moment, we had Madam's Lunchtime to occupy us, and (as we had rather suspected) as our Guide was invited, we only had to jump (or rather slide in a dignified manner) into the car awaiting us on our departure from this admirable place! The only thing which had not pleased us terribly, was the one and only toilet open (it was a Monday, but even so!!)

Look forward to our last moments in this wonderful "long weekend" - last lunch with Madame and her friends, pay our Hotel/Bordell bill/Car repairs bill, and where we actually DID spend the "night after" - All to come, shortly, on this site!
DON'T MISS IT!!