French leave!

(my mate Chippie coming back from the Local Village Fete!)

So, so - Your holidays are almost upon us! How about learning this year a few more things about France and the French?

Here are a few ideas, some useful, some factual, others not worth a dime/cent!



If you think this is an exaggeration, be warned, this is the typical situation in France, particularly when we know that the Tourists are coming! Don't get upset, just ask the wife - she'll generally know what to do! Only thing she won't know how to do is reply to the French Gendarme who wants to arrest you for being somewhere you didn't ought to be! This is where this little article could come in handy!
A few facts:

In France, the National Gendarmerie live in Casernes, just like the Military, because that's what they are, a branch of the French Army!

The local Police, called Police Municipale, are entitled to carry arms as well, but apart from that, they are of no use at all, and very difficult to find, particularly if there is trouble!

Mr le Maire (the Mayor) is also the 1st Magistrate of the town/village/community, so be nice to him!

The CAF is the French version of the Ministry for Families, also charged with things like Rent Allowances and Grants. Almost everybody who lives in France, with a family or not, have dealings with these people.

The CPAM is the name given to the French National Health Service, so is important for the Tourists as well!

The CHU means "Centre Hopital Universitaire" which means that it is a large Hospital which trains Nurses/Doctors and all the rest as well as treating patients.

The CLINIQUE is generally a private Hospital, although still funded by the NHS and treatment is refundable here as well. Many Specialists find themselves in Clinics rather than CHU's.

A GENERALISTE is a GP, and in France is the starting point to other Services within the Health System.

An ORDONNANCE is a prescription given by a doctor to be presented to the Chemist. Not always refundable, sometimes with a payment to be made.

AMELI.fr is the name of the French Health Service Web Site.

The TRESORIE is to be avoided, it's where you pay your Taxes or Fines etc.

The IMPOTS as above, except it only really concerns people who live full time in France.


The President, at the moment, is non-existant! Wait until Sunday 22, and the Sunday 6th May, to find out!

The TABAC is where you can buy death in little packets. ALSO postal cards,newspapers,magazines, bonbons, and a lot more including POSTAGE STAMPS! (Often these are not sold in the shop where you buy your postcard since it is technically illegal!)

The PENSION has nothing to do with your old age! It's a smaller style hotel, more a B&B place which also does meals for the guests.

The TEMPLE is the PROTESTANT Church building!

The EGLISE is the Catholic Version!

The CE is the "communautee Europeen" ie The European Community.
(and NOT - as some thought - The Church of England!)

The EU is either the European Union, or the "Etats Unis" (USA) and with an "R" behind it (EUR) it becomes our Currency, the Euro, which has 100 cents, and of which I don't have enough!

Complicated - ain't it?

PILES (pronounced "peel") are batteries (the ones you use in your cameras,phones etc) but are not ACCUMULATEURS (these are rechargeable batteries!) Just to confuse, the word BATTERIE is used for that thing found in your car, which always need charging at awkward moments. There now exists a thing called "pile rechargeable" (rechargeable battery). This is in reality a small Accumulateur, usable in your phones and cameras etc. To confuse you completely, the French often refer to Batteries and/or Accumulateurs as "ACCUS".

In French, the word CHIPS means CRISPS! The word POMMES FRITES means CHIPS!

Anything marked "d'OCCASION" means second hand! Doesn't mean that it is a "sometime" sale/purchase/offer, although the same word is used (as in "Super Occasion") for a one off super chance at something!

An AGENDA is a DIARY and "CHANGE" means that - currency can be changed!

CdE (Caisse d'Epargne) means "Savings Bank", but in France it is a normal Bank with all banking services.

Finally, for those of you who advance further than my mate Chippie who (once he knew how to ask the way to the Post Office) gave up his various French lessons (actually he developes a sort of French accent to his English, whilst on holiday, and strangely enough it seems to work - at least for everybody except his grandson, who simply asks his Mum "Why is Grandad talking so funny?") here is the correct way to suggest, in French, to a French person, that you like them well enough to address them in the "personal" fashion, using "Tu" instead of "Vous".

You say "J'aimerais vous tutoyer!"

YOU DON'T SAY: "J'aimerais vous tuer!" (This would mean "I'd like to kill you! This may be taken as not very polite!)

You'll often see posters for Circus or Beach shows that talk about "des heures des fou-rires" (Hours of mad laughing). This really only means that it isn't really funny at all!

So - there you are, everything you need for your French Holiday/Leave, apart from that touch of "flaire".

Don't worry, you've always got "Granite Assistance" at:

http://www.webspawner.com/users/mrlemarquis/graniteassistan.html

Bonne Vacances!


et Bonne Appetit!