http://onecare.live.com/site/en-us/default.htm   Read this and then click on the link given: (Changement du langue possible sur la page - Wechseln des Spraches auf die Seite moeglich)   This is a good one! Forget your expensive AV's - Anti Spy - and all the rest! This one is free from Windows. Some of you may know of it already, but it can do almost everything! I ran it, and although my System and PC is guarded by at least 10 different programmes, it found 32 entries of critical level! Just a word of warning, it takes a VERY long time, but you can carry on working on your PC, once the full scan has started. Only drawback is that it does slow down your PC whilst it's running. Try running it when you're doing nothing else, or even overnight! You'll probably be surprised what it finds on your PC. The programme is changeable in Language on the page, even if certain items are not contained in certain languages, most things are. It's best to run a COM...

Bonjour, Vous avez reçu un mail étrange, inquiétant ou amusant dont le titre était "Vous allez faire l'objet d'un contrôle fiscal " ? C'était un poisson d'avril, naturellement. Il vous a été adressé par Jan Mitchell avec l'aide de la rédaction de L'Internaute Magazine . En espérant que ce canular vous aura amusé... sans vous traumatiser. La rédaction de L'Internaute Vous aussi adressez gratuitement des "poissons-mails" de L'Internaute : cliquez ici

Monsieur Nous vous informons, par la présente, que le bureau des inspections fiscales de votre ville va procéder à un contrôle fiscal de votre déclaration de revenu 2006 (2042) suite à une dénonciation anonyme. En conséquence, nous allons procéder à un examen contradictoire de l'ensemble de votre situation fiscale pour l'année susvisée. Nous vous rappelons que, conformément au Code Général des Impôts, la bonne foi du contribuable est toujours présumée. Cela étant, en cas de redressement, les pénalités suivantes peuvent se cumuler : 1) Intérêt de retard : 0,40% par mois soit 4,80% par an de l'impôt dû. 2) En cas d'infraction grave viennent sajouter aux intérêts de retard une pénalité de 40% si vous êtes de mauvaise foi ou de mauvaise humeur 3) En cas de fraude caractérisée (billets dissimulés sous le matelas, gains de poker non déclarés, rétention abusive de pièces d'un centime d...

As you all know, today is 1st April - and it's now getting on my nerves! "Poisson d'avril" (April fool in French). You'll find a couple of items sent to me following this message! If you want to see more, or all of the others, and see what the French give you, then click onto the link "L'Internaute", or (if available) click onto the actual title in the message. I'm giving up for today! Voici quelques articles "poisson" - Si vous voulez voir celles-ci, ou des autres, cliquez simplement sur le lien "L'Internaute" ou (si possible) sur le titre donné dans le message, Moi-j'abandonne pour aujourd'hui!

Translation: The Paris "rive gauche of the Seine" (the left side of the river Seine) is going to change to the "rive droite" (the right side of the river Seine). I could go on for days, but this is the last posting of a "Poisson d'Avril - "April fool" - at least for this year! clipped from www.linternaute.com la rive droite  

Translation: The City of Paris are buying another French Department, and will create a further 11 Paris suburbs! clipped from www.linternaute.com Paris s'agrandit !  

Translation: How to restart smoking - happily, with no bad conscience! clipped from www.linternaute.com Nos conseils pour bien recommencer à fumer  

Translation: Japanese chewing gum invented that makes you grow! clipped from www.linternaute.com Les chewing-gums qui font grandir  

Today is the 1st April. The French call it "poissons d'Avril" the English "April Fools Day!" Here are a few things which I think are typical "April fool" announcements (and there have been a lot this year) on the various sites I get magazines and newsletters from! Actually, this year I've stopped clicking on the links, I've got fed up with being told "APRIL FOOL!" (Mind you - I've sent a few myself!) The title (for non-French speakers) is the unlikely headline that The French Football Club "Olympic Marseilles" have put their club up for sale on the infamous "E-Bay" Auction site! Maybe it's true, but: a) I don't want to buy it, and b) why waste my time being called an "April fool" again? clipped from www.linternaute.com L'OM en vente sur e-Bay  

Today is the 1st April. The French call it "poissons d'Avril" the English "April Fools Day!" Here are a few things which I think are typical "April fool" announcements (and there have been a lot this year) on the various sites I get magazines and newsletters from! Actually, this year I've stopped clicking on the links, I've got fed up with being told "APRIL FOOL!" (Mind you - I've sent a few myself!) The title (for non-French speakers) is the unlikely headline that The French Football Club "Olympic Marseilles" have put their club up for sale on the infamous "E-Bay" Auction site! Maybe it's true, but: a) I don't want to buy it, and b) why waste my time being called an "April fool" again? clipped from www.linternaute.com L'OM en vente sur e-Bay  

I must be honest and say that I haven't actually lived in UK for a very,very long time, but I've always kept a little eye open on things happening back there! For quite a long time now, I've had this sensation that all is not well! TV, Radio, Tourist friends and visitors all confirm much of this sensation, and I've had the feeling that, financially, the UK is the bubble on the point of bursting! Over many years, as a German pensioner, I have watched other German pensioners (and pensioners from other EU countries) slowly struggle to get to grips with no increases (as was generally promised) but reductions in their Pensions for the last 6 years. The introduction of the Euro, with it's consequent price increases (in particular for services like water/gas/electricity and for Governmental services) certainly didn't help, but at least almost all of the countries involved had seen the arrival of large problems in the Pension sector, and were doing something about it! ...

With pleasure we announce that the Tourist Assistance Site "Granite Assistance" is now open for the season 2007 - click on the link below for Information. ******** C'est avec plaisir que nous annonçons l'ouverture du site "Granite Assistance" (Aide aux Touristes) pour la saison 2007 - cliquez sur le lien en bas pour des Informations. ***** Wir sind froh Ihnen mitteilen zu können das die Seite "Granite Assistance" (Touristenhilfe) ist jetzt eröffnet für die Saison 2007 - klicken Sie auf die unten angegebenen Adresse für weitere Informationen. *** Happy Holidays! - Frohes Urlaubstagen! - Bonnes Vacances! (iwmpop) http://www.webspawner.com/users/mrlemarquis/graniteassistan.html

(This article was the subject of a "translation" to English by my new Translating programme! You won't find the translation into English, because like all Translation programmes, machines don't think like us, and the translation offered was almost unusable. You won't find the programme-which fortunately was free- on my PC anymore either! At almost 1Go of disc space -927mb's)- I felt that Googles offer was much the same thing, with NO disc space used!). Ishall revert to my normal way of doing translations, namely using my head and my knowledge! B***er the machines!So - improve your French! ************************************************************************** A few thoughts on the French General Elections in April 2007. Bonjour! Comme vous le savez, il va avoir les polémiques et fureur des élections Générales, ici en France, très bientôt! Moi, je n'ai pas le droit de voter, mais cela m'intéresse comme même, car je sera touche par les éventuelles cha...

Ain't it cold! That's Spring, folks! clipped from mail.google.com  

Another Service from Mr le Marquis-always thinking about you and your travel/general problems! ****************************************************** Encore un service de Mr le Marquis: un site Europeen (EU) avec tous! Jouets/voitures/scooters etc dangereuse, ou vos droits de Consommateur, de Justice, et pleine d'autre choses-Essayez le! ******************************************************* Wieder ein Dienst von Mr le Marquis - Europaisches recht/gefahrlich spiele/autos usv.... usv.....Versuchen Sie es! ******************************************************* Going to buy something for Christmas/Birthday presents? Make sure it's not in the "dangerous" list issued by the EU regularly. This site gives you an "A-Z" of the whole European site. Although in English, you can change the language on the page (top right) The site deals with all aspects of live in the European Community, from Assurances through Justice passibg by Consumers rights and lots more! TRY I...

I've got a new trick! It lets me pick and choose bits and pieces from any web page and do lots of things with it! Might be detrimental to creative writing, but I can't resist trying it out, as you will see from this and the following article (and probably many more in the future!)This one has NOTHING to do with my mate "Chippie"! (iwmpop) clipped from www.rd.com ...With Some Wit on the Side Our manager at the restaurant where I worked was a much beloved, jovial man. But there was one subject you didn't dare discuss in front of him -- his height. Or, should I say, his lack of it. One day, he stormed through the door and announced angrily, "Someone just picked my pocket!" Most of my fellow waitresses and I were speechless, except for the one who blurted out, "How could anyone stoop so low?" -- Contributed by Bette Moeggenborg  

Anybody else out there who has had stuff like this? What are your thoughts about it? Let me know, and if it works, I'll give you 10% of my winnings! (iwmpop) clipped from mail.google.com RE/AWARD NOTIFICATION: FINAL NOTICE We are pleased to inform you of the announcement Today, 20th March 2007, of winners of the UK NATIONAL LOTTERY, THE UNITED KINGDOM INTERNATIONAL PROGRAMS held on 16th March 2007 in Croydon,London. You email address was attached to ticket number 023-0148-790-459, with serial number 5063-11 drew The lucky numbers 43-11-44-37-10-43, and consequently Won you the lottery in the 2nd category. You have therefore been approved for a lump sum pay Of 500,000.00 British Pounds(GBP) in cash credited to file REF NO. UKNL/26510460037/07. This is from total prize money Of 2,000,000.00 British Pounds(GBP) shared among the four International winners in this category. To file for your claim, please contact our fiduciary Agent; Mr Johnson Rice. Tel:+44-7031922527 Tel:+44-703194983...

'Twas paddies day yesterday, I think, so I guess that most paddies are still asleep at this moment! They had a good day though! Rugby and CRICKET teams WON! What a shame - as a Scotsman, I know that good sportsmen always let the others win, now and then, otherwise nobody will play with you! On the other hand, I think about my mate "Chippie" in deep sunken gloom, and probably with a football club defeat looming up, on top of the World Cup Cricket debacle! Never mind about the Rugby. You see, the English have never learnt to be good losers, or even to let the others win sometimes. I do know, however, that my mate Chippie has what he calls "her indoors - my manager", and I'm certain that Tinkerbelle (for such is her name) is waving desperately her wand around and over the "sunk in hands" head of her "dearly beloved"! You see - Englishmen can't even suffer correctly! Go on Chippie, get up, get out of bed, you sleepy head - Tinkerbelle is...

I just saw a Series Called "Blackpool" on the TV, for the first time, and I didn't recognise anything, apart from an odd tram and the Eiffel Tower! The one-arm bandits looked familiar as well, but that was about it! One of the most difficult things in my own married life was to find time for Holidays, so when the opportunity arose, during contract breaks of 4 months, we profited as much as possible to find small "help-out" contracts. These contracts were found by the International Agency who took care of our other contracts world-wide, and were generally very useful.One of these fill-in contracts was the offer presented by "Pontin's" Holiday Camp, at Blackpool. We always had to decide very quickly on these fill-ins, because they were always as a result of somebody else either falling ill, being incompetent, or any of the other reasons for giving up a contract, and the employers were therefore always in a hurry! After a bit of here and there between...

(click to enlarge + read text) No translations available. Living, as every respectable Marquis should, in France, I am obviously subject to the things which go on in France, and as you probably don't know, there is a General "Presidentielle" Election coming up very shortly. Mr Chirac has decided to give it all up, and stand again, he's going to his country retreat, and probably await the arrival of the Gendarmes! This gives free field to the infighting, and (in this Election) "bitchiness" of almost all Political things. There is, however, one thing which I am at a loss to understand. In France, anyone who wishes to present him/herself as a Candidate at a General Election, is firstly required to find 500 people, in signature form, to support him/her. Not just anybody will do, but 500 promises to support the canditature from the Mayors of France. That means, somebody already elected as "Maire" (Mayor) of a community, going from less than 500 souls u...